I thought I was o.k. Until…


This past week I was meeting up with a new fellow for a drink and appetizer. An acquaintance had a single friend she thought would be perfect for me.

I had spent the requisite time on my hair to calm the frizz and was able to suck in my belly enough to zip my pants and even do up the top button.  The colour of my faux silk stylishly cut top was complimentary and my heels added just enough height without being ‘too much’.  Why I was a walking vision of confidence until…

What's wrong with me now!

A quick walk through Indigo!  On my way to the magazines to check out any new foodie ones that might catch my eye, before my drink date as I was a little early, I passed about 3 tables of colourful book covers.  As my brain processed each title my step grew less and less sure.  OMG I am not the positive, smart, strong and hardworking woman I believed myself to be.  I was a mere shadow of what I could become and my slothful nature is the cause!

Why according to Arianna Huffington, the bujillionare, how could I be happy when she had not been.  And heck she has money to burn, a successful career, and kids and she wasn’t fulfilled.  Something was missing in her life that made her feel sad and bad so heavens to Bestey if she didn’t feel the need to let us all know how crappy we should be feeling as surely most of us (only women it seems not men, as they must somehow fulfill themselves in some way I am not yet aware of) aren’t fulfilling the something we don’t even know we are missing.  BUT she wrote 13 other books before this one and also won a Pulitzer price for national reporting.

Oh and it seems I have not Awakened to My Lifes Purpose yet and the intestinal illnesses I have suffered are, in fact figments of my imagination according to the title of one book, Disease is Delusional, and NOT caused by a comprised immune system…so I guess the Nobel prize for medicine is coming this authors way.  But wait, if I Skinny Size It and read the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, which I gather most of us have not read or need to read again, as it is still on the book store shelves after years and years and years, that will surely help.  But oh no, there is another table of books and I am not even in the self help section.  Seriously who knew my life sucked so bad.  HOLD ON, if I buy Simone’s book, Body by Simone, I can transform perhaps even quicker than using Skinny Size It or maybe I just need To Lose it Right, since all the other publications must be wrong.  Oh, oh and don’t forget to factor in that we are Madwomen in Volvos, you know, because of hormones.  How come guys don’t need hormones to be pissed or upset or just asses but they write books on our hormones.  Is this my crazy hormones talking or am I still delusional about my disease….

I cannot believe what a mess I truly am.  How am I able to get up in the morning?  I cannot remember what I had for lunch yesterday how can I memorize 7 Effective Habits.  Do bad habits count.  Those I won’t need to memorize as they are always just ‘there’.

I can’t go on a date in this state.  I am so not worthy.  I’m not sure I will be able to face myself in the mirror.  It is unbelievable how I have been deceiving myself for so long, why I’m just a shadow of the better self I can be.  My new canvas Indigo bags are heavy as I make my way out to my car weighted down with several book and my credit card is worn to a nub but in a month or two, if not sooner, I will emerge a more effective, skinnier, fitter, confidant person with an altruistic streak, right.  Well, until the next batch of books tells me otherwise.

But don’t worry, my attention span is not so great so I’m sure after a minute or two of these books I will be flipping through my recipe books again looking for a new goodie to bake up.  Maybe that is my purpose, to share something as simple as a tasty treat that has no underlying purpose or goal other than to be enjoyed. Because we all need a little enjoyment.

Coming soon, sugar, butter, eggs and flour!

3 thoughts on “I thought I was o.k. Until…

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