The Language of Love – Internet Style.. OR He said She said..and Honey Cornmeal Muffins


Once upon a time in a land far far away, singles met at dances, at work, through friends, on baseball teams and all sorts of face-to-face ways. In this far away land there were no cell phones and nice women didn’t ask men out.  The man was the ‘hunter’ and women let men think they were being ‘caught’.  Flash forward to the future where no initial face-to-face contact is required to start a relationship or begin dating, and men and women are free to pursue each other.  There is something called internet dating.

What could be better.  What an amazing concept.  What could be easier!  You fill out a questionnare, post a few flattering photos of yourself and my oh my, everyday there are matches for you. Internet dating will find you the man (or woman) you require and desire.  Lots of them….everyday…they just keep coming!

Ahh, but things are not as peachy keen and simple as they appear.  How is that possible you ask?!   Well I have identified 2 key areas fraught with issues in my limited research (and of course only research from the female point of view and hey, I’m not that interested in the male point of view because they always have it easier and I haven’t looked at women on the sites).  Key Area #1 – ordinary men who think they are extraordinary seeking fantasy women (you know a women who makes lots of money, always looks like a Victoria Secret model, loves everything they love and is open to all life has to offer, every minute of every day…or whenever/whatever said ordinary man needs or wants).  Key Area #2 – I have labelled “interspeak”.  This is terms and phrases each sex uses thinking they are getting their messages across but I think are being deciphered incorrectly!    Take a look and let me know what your think.

Man Writes: Looking for a woman who is as comfortable in jeans as she is in a little black dress and heels.What he really means:  The one time a year we go to my Christmas party you had better be able to dress up and look hot (without spending any of my money) so I can show you off.  What she thinks:  He is social and we weill be attending many casual and dressy events.

Woman Writes:  I have a job I enjoy and am content with my life.  What he thinks:  She goes to work everyday and comes home and flops on the couch because she has low energy and cannot keep up with me  She probably is overweight.  What she means:  I’m financially secure and confident.  Just looking for a confident, secure man to enjoy all life has to offer.

Another favourite:

Man Writes: I am a romantic.  She must love romance and PDA’s, feeling the mist in our hair, the wind on our faces, etc. etc.

What he really means: You must be a sex fiend!  And I’m into doing it outside.

What she thinks he means:  He will bring me flowers and hold my hand when we go out.

See what I mean. And it gets better.  Men let you know they are following the Paleo Diet, meaning you better not like your carbs cause you sure as hell aren’t getting any, and you know, they are at the gym 5-6 times per week and golf and run and have a great job but are looking for a mate who shares their interests.  Never mind what your interests are because they are not giving up any of theirs so how is it possible to fit in any of your interests. There are no hours left in the week.

Maybe you can tell me what it means when a guy is looking for “fire and kinetic energy”?  Does that mean we should spontaneously combust when we meet…is that how he will know I am the one.  Or how about making love in a cornfield…you haven’t even sent me an email yet…what makes you think I like corn?!

And what about those photos.  Again a bit of mixed messaging here.  His pics show him holding his kids giving out the message, “What a great, caring, responsible dad.”  Her pics with her kids say to him, “Tied down, single mom with no time to spare and too much baggage.”  Then there are the pet photos.  Again look at him with his big, ugly shedding dog or look at his little cutie dogs in pink parkas.  He must have a nurturing soft side.  Then there she is with her rescue cat beside her on the couch.  OMG, a middle-aged crazy woman. Her house probably reeks of cat urine.

The work out photos are by far my fav.  Why I always enjoy looking at a single picture of a guys calf…just his calf…showing off how muscular it is.  Yes, I mean it as in one calf.  Maybe it’s the more attractive of the two.  Or the ones of the body parts, like their abs, then their bicep and on and on.  Bathroom selfies are wonderful as well…..really you don’t have a friend or grown child that would snap a few photos for you.

Now I understand it is too easy to look at a few pictures and read a few words and make a decision on the worthiness of a person, but unfortunately in the world of internet dating it is like looking at a catalogue.  A catalogue for shoes or cars or whatever.  Each flip of the finger brings us another possibly shinier, newer “thing” that just might be prettier or better than the one before.  But what if the next one and the next one after that are not any better. By George, you just pay for another site and off you go again.  Because how is it possible not to find your match by typing in a few paragraphs and posting a few pics.

But we are not even off the dating site yet.  Next you have to get to the texting stage or emailing stage and then maybe a phone conversation and then a drink or coffee.  Too much effort if you ask me.

Now, being an expert in all things dating and mating, as I have watched the movie “He’s Just Not That Into You” several times in the last few months, let me give you ladies a little advice.  If he texts you and just keeps texting occasionally, you know, enough to keep you guessing for several days but never seals the deal with an actual offer of coffee YOU ARE ON THE ROSTER. This means you are down the list of prospects. Like being the  25th draft pick for a sports team.  You aren’t number 1 or number 2….your probably 6 or lower.  He’s got to keep you hanging until he can meet the prospects ahead as they may not be worthy.  So he may or may not get to you.  It doesn’t matter how attractive, fit or smart you are IF you are not his attractive, fit and smart.  So release him back to the wild and find some honey the easy way with these slightly sweet, moist Honey Cornmeal Muffins.  Whip up a batch and enjoy with a nice hot cuppa while typing up your new profile for the next site.

Fresh from the oven
Perfect! Fresh from the oven.

These moist, slightly sweet Honey Corn Muffins are from the Baked Explorations Baking book by Matt Lewis & Renato Poliafito.  Many great recipes with nice photos, clear instructions and a little insight in how each recipe came to be makes this a terrific book.  Although I am a fan of cornmeal muffins they are often turn out with a drier than liked consistency.  These baked up great and even after freezing, thawing and tossing in the microwave for about 15 seconds one was not enough.  Add a little dab of sweet butter or a little drizzle of honey and hmmm, hmmmm…need I say more.

Preheat oven to 400F.  Grease or line a 12-cup muffin pan.

Remember to have all your ingredients at room temperature for best results.  Also if you don’t have buttermilk you can substitute homemade sour milk by putting 1 tablespoon of lemon juice or white vinegar in a liquid measuring cup and topping it up to 1 cup with milk.  Let it sit for about 5 minutes and you are good to go.

Honey Corn Muffins with a drizzle of honey!
Honey Corn Muffins with a drizzle of honey!

In a medium bowl lightly whisk 2 large eggs and add in:

1 cup buttermilk, 1/4 cup honey, 1/4 cup melted and cooled butter and whisk again until combined.

In a large bowl whisk together:

1 1/4 cups yellow cornmeal, 3/4 cups all-purpose flour, 1 tablespoon baking powder, 1/4 cup packed brown sugar and 2 tablespoons granulated sugar and 1 teaspoon salt.

Make a well in the dry ingredients and pour the wet ingredients into the well.  Fold the wet ingredients into the dry until just mixed.  (You don’t want to see any streaks of flour.)

Fill the muffin cups about 3/4 full and bake for about 12-15 minutes.  Serve warm for optimum flavour.

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5 Comments Add yours

  1. Rhoda says:

    Hilarious! You should write a book!

    1. hofferbunch says:

      Thanks, and I didn’t even talk about the fellow in N.S. with the guard top, all terrain bullet proof vehicle and home in the middle of the woods!

  2. Chris says:

    Too funny! Always have such a good laugh reading your posts. Another great recipe I can’t wait to try…

    1. hofferbunch says:

      Well you did say you missed the story….Thanks!

  3. Mary Derrick says:

    Loved it Linda!!! And yes, seriously you should write a book ! Thanks for another great recipe !

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